so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
