Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
