...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
