proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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