My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
