Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
