Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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