I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
