it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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