For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
