Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
