Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
