White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
