suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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