i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
