Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
