I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
