oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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