She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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