i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So here I am, sexting at work.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
