You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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