Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
