So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
