Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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