cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
