so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
