I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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