just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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