so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
