Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
