I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
