Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
id be glad to
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
