I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
