So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
