Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
