the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I look better un-naked...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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