Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
