On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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