Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
