Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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