how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
