At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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