Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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