I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We got so high we made milksteak
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
