just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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