of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
