he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Randomize
