i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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