and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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