just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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