Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
